The Misadventures of Neko-Hee-chan!
by JC Maxwell-Yuy
Summary: Well, Heero's a housecat and Duo's his owner. Heero likes Duo but Duo has a boyfriend, Trowa, whom Heero does not like. And then, there's Hilde with her two cats Relena and Dorothy. Oh, the pain that Duo goes through each day!


The Misadventures of Neko-Hee-chan!

By: JC Maxwell-Yuy

(All we need now is a voice-over™ saying 'It's a brand new car™!')

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JC: Ohayo all you crazy cats! 

Duo: Speaking of cats…

Heero: (grabs JC by the shirt) Omae o korosu.

JC: ehehehehehehee… why?

Heero: For writing this.

JC: Why?

Heero: Omae o korosu.

JC: You said that already.

Heero: Hn. (walks away to find some fish)

JC: Sadly, I don't own Gundam Wing … but just for the record, a DJ inspired me… unfortunately, I don't own that either! 

Heero: Fishies! (wags tail)

JC: (sweatdrops) Now on with the show! Please note that no animals were harmed in the production of this fanfic.

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Duo Maxwell stretched back in the armchair. He was exhausted from spring-cleaning. 'And yet, this place still smells like him.' The braided one sighed as he drifted off into dreamland. 

About an hour later, a tight tugging at his braid awakened Duo. "Heero… please don't do that." Duo reached down and pulled his braid free from his cat's claws. He frowned a bit. Heero was an unusual cat, very unusual. He looked like a little human with cat ears and a tail, but was the size of an average house cat… except Heero wasn't an ordinary house cat… well, he acted like one, but Duo swore that he had the mind of a human. 

"Naaaaaaayyyyaaaa!" Heero hissed as his playtoy was taken away. 

"No Heero." Duo tucked his braid into the back of his shirt where that cat couldn't get at it. "Ah! I'm late!" Duo saw the clock and made a mad rush out the door.

Two hours later…

"Hee-chan! I'm home!" Duo walked into the apartment to see it a mess. Heero had his way of exacting revenge on Duo. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say it was on purpose." The braided boy muttered angrily as he put the groceries on the counter and went to the bathroom.

"Mrrroooww!" Heero jumped onto the counter to investigate the bag. He also knocked over the containers of sugar and flour in the process of jumping into the bag. When Duo emerged to put the groceries away, a loud shot was heard throughout the building.

"What am I gonna do with you Heero?" Duo grumbled as he watched his pet lap up milk and devour tuna fish. The cat looked back up at him with a cold stare, then went back to eating. Duo wanted to strangle Heero at that point, but the doorbell rang.

"Oh, hello Hilde." Duo said to the young woman at the door. 

"Duo." She smiled. "I was wondering if you could watch my cats for a while."

"Uh, gee… I don't know." Duo glanced at Heero. "Heero's already hard to look after."

"What? All he does is eat and sleep." Hilde gestured at Heero, who had finished eating and had gone to sleep on the windowsill. "Besides, Relena and Dorothy won't be a problem. You won't be a problem." She stressed to the two cats in the carrier that lay at her feet. 

"Uh, Hilde… I really don't think…" Duo stammered as Hilde put the carrier down by Duo. 

"Thanks Duo! You are a lifesaver™! I'll be back for them by tomorrow around ten! Thanks!" Hilde turned and ran off to do whatever she was going to do for the next ten or so hours. 

"Now what?" Duo groaned as he glanced at the two cats. Relena had lots of pink ribbons in her hair… wait a second, she looked like a human too… and if Duo didn't know any better, Dorothy did too… if it wasn't for those … 

'Eyebrows?' Duo raised both of his. Dorothy raised one, and that was enough to almost put out one of Relena's eyes. "Ouch." Duo sighed, and let the two out. The doorbell rang again, and Duo went to get it.

Meanwhile, Heero was napping in the sun. Relena hissed at him, causing him to wake up. The cat began chasing Heero around the room, upsetting all the furniture. Dorothy, however, took no interest in the chase and took Heero's spot in the sunbeam, and promptly went to sleep. 

"MMMRRROOOOWWW!!!" Relena chased Heero around the room before the poor male cat finally jumped out the window and ran off.

"No, I already have a subscription to the paper!" Duo slammed the door in the annoying salesperson's face. "Now… uh…" he looked at the once again messy room, and the two cats sleeping on the windowsill. "Heero?" Duo looked all over for his cat. 

Heero was out on the town. He stole a fish from the fish market, the tenth one that week, and ran back to the apartment full speed. 

"Now where did that cat go?" Duo looked under the couch. "Please do not tell me he went to the fish market again." He prayed when he heard scratching at the door. When he opened it, there was Heero with a fish in his mouth. "Oh, heaven help me." Duo let Heero in, but not before using a paper towel to take the fish away and discard it.

"Nrrroooowwww?" Heero looked at Duo.

"No. You ARE NOT GOING OUT AGAIN." Duo reached into the bag of groceries and brought out a bell he'd gotten at the pet store. He tied it around Heero's neck. Heero fumbled with the bell, trying to get it off, with no success. 

"Mrrrooow!" He whined. 

"No. Not until you learn to behave." Duo said and went to tend to Relena and Dorothy. 

"MRRROOOWW!" Heero scowled in protest, but his master ignored him and went off to feed the other two cats.

Just then, the wind shifted, and Trowa Barton dropped in… literally. 

"Trowa! You have got to stop appearing out of nowhere like that." Duo scolded. 

"How can I koi?" Trowa brushed his lips lightly over Duo's. "Why do you have Hilde's cats?"

"Oh, she just dumped them on me." Duo complained. "And Heero stole another fish." He hugged his koi back, noting that Heero was hissing.

"Heero? What's wrong?" Trowa bent down to look at the cat, but Heero scratched him. "ITAI!"

"Heero!" Duo snapped.

Heero ignored Duo and went off to sleep on the couch… only to be chased away by Relena.

"Are you OK?" Duo asked as he cleaned the wound.

"Yeah. What's up with Heero?"

"Dunno. But could you watch the little monsters? I need to run down to the store to buy more food for dinner. Heero already… went through the stuff I bought."

"Sure." Trowa said as he petted Dorothy. "Hurry back." 

"Trust me, I don't plan to." Duo smiled and left. As he did, neither he nor Trowa noticed that Heero had slipped out the door. 

"Now… where is…?" Trowa groaned when he saw the Heero was long gone.

"Mrrrraaaaaoooooowwww!" Heero purred as Quatre scratched him behind the ears.

"Did you run away from Duo again?" Quatre mummered as he scratched. For some strange reasons, Heero always found his way downstairs to his apartment when that Trowa guy was over. 

"Nnnyyyyaaarrrooow!" Heero turned over.

"Is Trowa-kun over again?" Quatre wondered as he set Heero down to go get some water. Unbeknownst to him, the water tap was connected to a sewage pipe, which had fresh water, but it was contaminated with… Chemical Z™. Now Chemical Z™ is harmless to humans, but it has an… interesting effect on cats… or Heero-nekos.

"NYYYAAOOOWWW!!!" Heero lapped the water up, and started to grow. Soon, a human sized Heero, complete with ears and a tail, was sitting on the floor before Quatre.

"Oh boy." Quatre muttered as Heero began sniffing his feet. 'How can things get any worse?'

The doorbell rang…

"It just did." The blonde grumbled and answered the door.

"Ano… Quatre-kun. Do you know where… " Trowa's visible eye nearly fell out when he saw Heero brushing against Quatre's legs… right below his unmentionables.

"Trowa-kun… I can explain… it just was…" Quatre stammered as Hee-chan hid behind him.

"NNNNYYYAAAAARRRRROOOOWWWWW!!!" Heero hissed as Trowa reached for him.

"Itai!" Quatre gasped when Heero's paw grazed his ear when the neko-human attempted to scratch Trowa.

"It's all right Heero." Trowa tried to grab the rather large cat-turned-human, but Heero dodged and ran off.

"Oh dear. Trowa-kun, I am SO sorry." Quatre mummered as the two watched Heero run back up towards Duo's apartment. 

"It's OK Quatre… it's just that… oh no." Trowa sighed when he saw Duo enter the building and take the elevator up to his apartment. 

When Duo arrived at his apartment door…

"WWWHHHHHAAAAA!!! What the?" Duo cried when he saw the human-sized neko-Hee-chan pawing at the door. 

"Nyyaaooowww?" Hee-chan turned at the sound of his owner's voice.

"Oh no. Heero, no. NO!" Duo backed away, but Heero pounced on him anyway, knocking the braided boy over. 

"MRROOOWW!" Heero purred happily and nuzzled against Duo's face.

"Yeah… happy to see you too… HELP!" Duo groaned as Hee-chan's paws grazed an unmentionable part of his body. 

Trowa came running with Quatre in tow. 

"Duo! Are you OK?" Trowa helped his koibito up, drawing hisses from Heero. 

"Yes… Thanks Trowa." Duo leaned up and kissed the Latino man full on the lips.

"NNNNYYYYAAA!" Heero pouted when Quatre held him back. Seconds later, a 'normal' sized Neko-Heero was in Quatre's arms.

"Ah, Heero! You're back to normal!" Duo smiled happily and kissed his kitty on the nose.

"MMMMRRRRROOOOOOWWWWW!!!" Heero purred happily. 

"Uh, what about Relena and Dorothy?" Duo tried to pry himself away from his now ecstatic cat.

"Oh! I uh…" Trowa turned back to the apartment door.

Five hours of cleaning, and two litter boxes later…

"I'm beat!" Duo moaned and collapsed into the slightly shredded sofa.

"Thank Kami that Hilde came back for her cats! Those things can't be animals…" Trowa leaned back, his uni-bang drooping back in front of Heero-chan's nose.

"MRRROWWW!!!" Heero jumped onto Trowa's face and scratched it up.

"Ouch…" Trowa grunted before passing out.

"NNNYYYYOOOWWW!!!" Neko-Heero purred and then went to sleep.

"What AM I going to do with you?" Duo wondered as he went to see if Trowa needed to go to the emergency room THIS time.

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JC: I hope… what is that smell?

Solo: I think its fish.

JC: Oh gods, no.

Heero: What?

JC: I smell fish on your spandex. Somebody needs a bath!

Heero: (runs off) NNNYYYYAAAAOOOOOWWWW!!!

JC: See you all next time!


End file.
